Back to coherent thoughts;

I understand that my last post was complete mush, but it was 3am and to be honest I actually have no memory of typing half of that stuff. It was quite interesting to wake up later that morning and find that my laptop was on my blog page with a brand new blog on it, when I hadn't posted in a month. So of course I had to read what gobbledegook I'd written and of course it just made me miss him all over again. I went to his house later that day though.

Sooo many things have happened in the past month since my last post before the mushy one. My brother had his 15th birthday, Paul and I are growing closer than ever, we had our 6 month anniversary, we played pool with Evan after going Christmas shopping, oh and probably most eventfully, Jayne and I are no longer friends.

Quite a long story that one, and one that I just really can't be bothered typing it all out, but basically we had more problems, and anyone who knows me knows that I despise conflict, so as a result, our past conflicts were never fully resolved, although as I learnt, to Jayne, they had been. So anyway, essentially, cause something (I can't remember what) happened, something that was just the final straw, and so we had one final argument. One where I ended up bringing up all the things from the past that I felt were unresolved (to which her response was "if you're just going to bring things up from the past that we've already resolved then I have nothing to say". It's just so lovely when a friend refuses to talk to you about something that's still bothering you), and some new things which she actually had the gall to turn around to me and tell me that how I was feeling about those things was "silly" and "ridiculous". Can you imagine how that made me feel? Let's just say that nothing but anger followed after that.

So she blocked me, cause the entire time she was whining about the fact that it was 10:30 when I brought this up (it was the only time I could I would like to mention, for as far as I can recall she was actually playing a game the whole time before that, or I didn't get home until late or something like that), and that if I wanted to talk about it we could talk about it in the morning when our heads were clear. Now, my head was perfectly clear, I knew exactly what I was saying, but she kept insisting and that was just adding insult to injury. SO yeah, in the end to get her way, she blocked me. That was the last time that I've spoken to her on MSN.

I emailed her soon after saying some crap that I don't remember, and then again the next day reminding her that she still has two of my DVDs and if she could return them in the next two weeks. I get one back saying something like she could be jetting off to Paris for 3 months tomorrow and I wouldn't know, basically telling me off for setting a time frame, so naturally I came back with well if you couldn't do it in that time then I assume that you would have told me instead of just being a bitch about it (in different words, but those were the feelings behind it). Long story short, I still don't have them back. So now I'm tempted that next time I'm out that way I'll just drop in and take them, I don't give a fuck if she has company or not. Or I'll just email her again, whatever.

But anyway, back to happy things. Like I said, my brother had his 15th birthday this month. I had to work that morning, but after that I went and picked up Paul and got his present (I was stashing it at Paul's house) and Paul and I went back to mine to give him his present. Now I should explain. Paul wrapped his present, but before he put the wrapping paper on it, he covered it with 6 layers of newspaper. Oh it was so amusing to see my brother turning dinosaur and rabid as he got frustrated with all the newspaper XD I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time. But in the end he got it all off. We got him Left 4 Dead on Xbox 360, and it's co-op so he and mum played it that night. Gosh it was funny watching. There's a ledge that if you fall off it you have to have a team member help you back up. My brother just kept running off it for shits and giggles and having a team member pull him back up XD Good times.

I have an Xbox 360 of my own now! Paul got his new one and although I'm still owing him $100 for getting this one off him, he gave it to me early as a graduation present, as well as a copy of Assassin's Creed which he bought for me a while ago. Oh how I do so love presents <3 But anyway now I can use it to watch all the movies that I have on my HHD, on my TV. It's so nifty! ;D I love my gorgeous pookie. He's so amazing to me.

I finished college this semester too, apart from finishing getting my hours up, but I don't have to go into the college anymore. That thought both scares and excites me. I am arranging something through a customer at work to finish off my hours, which is hella exciting, but again very scary.

I've actually been thinking for a long time that I might like to get into counselling. I loved the communication classes that I had to do for my course this time round, and I love helping people and talking them through there problems. I've been told that I'm pretty good at it too. I can be very insightful at times, as Callum can attest to. So that might be on the cards for future study for me. Maybe even a future career if I ever get sick of this massaging lark (which I highly doubt, but I may have it as a side career, who knows? I could be the first ever counselling masseuse! ;D) So yes, I'll have my official graduation at the end of this year once I complete my clinic hours. Suncorp stadium, caps and gowns, the whole shebang ;D I can't wait and hope that all my loved ones (including my lovely boyfriend) will be there to support me. I might end up with a plus 15 the way I'll be inviting people ;D

But anyway, last week I finished off my Christmas shopping. Evan, Paul and I all went out to Morayfield shopping centre to buy our final presents. I just had to buy for Paul, and he for me, and Evan started as just a welcome tag-a-long but then he ended up buying a present for his dad. We went to Spencer's Gifts, and there's this adorable little panda-shaped lamp that I want to get. Hellooooo next payday ;D

Although I'm not entirely sure that I would be able to get it next payday cause Paul and I are hosting a new years eve party at my house. The awesome thing is that Mum and my siblings will be overseas, and Dad will pretty much just stay inside and keep to himself. I'm getting really excited about it too, cause I'm planning on cooking at this party, yummy things like roast chicken drumsticks and Greek salad and coconut pavlova roll and rum balls and all these exciting things. And better still my gorgeous friend Callum is up from Melbourne and will be attending, so the plan is that I pick him up from the station earlier in the day and we spend the whole day cooking laughing and having fun. General preparing for this thing. We're gonna have so much fun ;D

But anyway, I'm excited for Christmas in 4 days ;D Paul and I have a plan so far of me staying at his house that night, breakfast at his, lunch at mine and dinner wherever. I had the other idea of us staying at our own houses, with breakfast being eaten where we were, then lunch together at mine and dinner together at his, but then I felt sad cause I wanted the joy of waking up next to the man I love on Christmas morning.

Anyway, that's all I have probably for another month haha.
xx

I miss you;

It's now been over a month since my last post, I'm just not finding the time to spend on this like I used to, but oh well. Life happens and mine appears to have gotten interesting. But that's for another post.

It's 3am and I can't sleep. I'm listening to Yiruma and I just finished watching the first season of "The Secret Diary of a Call Girl", starring Billie Piper. It's really quite good, even if it is soft-core pr0nz.

So, here I am, unable to sleep, and missing the man I love so very much. I saw him on Thursday, but you know how you get to the stage of affection where you just miss someone you care about a lot every single day? Well, we're in there. I see him tomorrow afternoon but that just can't come fast enough to be honest. And so I lay here, wrapped up in his blanket which he loaned me to help me sleep better (I sleep better when there's the scent of him around), wishing terribly that I could just be curled up beside him right now, safe in his arms and listening to his snores. I'm such a sap...

I know all of this may sound vomit worthy to some people but words can literally not express how I feel for this man. The words "I love you" just don't seem to cut it anymore, unless I say them ten times over in rapid fire, which of course then comes out in complete mumbo jumbo cause I stuff up the words.

He just makes me feel so...I dunno...safe is the first word that comes to mind. Like I know if I'm having a bad day he'll be there for me, arms open wide, waiting to give me a giant cuddle that only he recognises I need. He also makes me feel adored, like if I'm having a day where I just feel like shit and keep thinking that I look it too, there's no hesitation in telling me how beautiful I am, or how I'm adorable. I just love these little reassurances I get so readily from him, they make me feel so...well, loved.

Of course we have our ups and downs (more downs when I'm tired or pissy I'm sad to say), but somehow we always end up talking it through and making up, and after a big fight, I love how we can just lay there on his bed and cuddle, no words needed, just being together.

That's the one thing I need the most in my life, I think. A relationship where we didn't have to talk 24/7 to be comfortable, where we're at the point that we can just look at each other and catch a drift of what the other is on about. My previous relationship lacked that and I'm so grateful that it's there in this one. I'm glad that we connect on a deeper level than words, cause realistically, I'm not too good with them.

It's like when we went to David and Cassandra's cocktail party last week, it took a few cocktails and the right conversation topic for me to say anything, whether witty or no, cause I just freeze around people when I try to find the right things. It's something I need to work on, as well as the ever enduring battle against my self-consciousness, but the point is that at the beginning of anything I'm not much of a talker.

I love our connection on a deeper level, he makes me feel like I could talk to him about anything, again, something that was lacking in my previous relationship. Like I can easily open up to him about my job fears, my financial fears (like how the crap I'm going to make my next loan payment when it runs with a phone bill that's due, things like that), my fears about our relationship (I worry a lot about losing this amazing man), my fears about my relationships with my friends, all that sort of stuff. I don't always talk about that, but most of the time he just accepts when I say I need time to talk about it, and waits patiently for me to find the right words when I stumble. I just hope he knows that I want him to be just as open with me, and at the moment, I'm feeling like he does.

I love you Paul, so so much. This will sound corny but you just complete me. You're the one man that I've ever felt any of this for, and I'm glad that we've made it to six months this past Monday. I hope we have many months if not years ahead of us my love. I adore you and can't wait to give you a gigantic "I missed you" cuddle tomorrow afternoon.

All my love,
Monique
xoxo

Girly gaming fights ending;

Wew! I'm getting slack again! Although to be honest that's really only because this is the first real chance that I've had to come back and write in this thing xD It's sooo good just lazing around in bed, I only woke up almost an hour ago you know x3 (it's 12:54), and Paul's still deep in the land of sleepy time dreams and amazing fantasies =D

So, where to begin...what day was November 2 anyway...(last post, xD) -checks- Ahh I see, almost two weeks ago haha! Okay, so. First things first: PENISPHALLICOBJECTMORONICDOODLEPOKEBALLGO! There's my randomness out of the way x3

Well, Jayne and I have made up once again after a loooooooooooooooong conversation that lasted up until around midnight-ish, and would have gone on longer had I not been about to pass out and gone to bed. I think she may have actually heard me this time, and we got through a lot of stuff. I mean we really did talk about a lot xD

Let's see...last weekend. Last weekend was Danielle's 20th birthday party, which she chose to have at the Coffee Club at the top of Queen St Mall, where you cross the road to get to the casino and Southbank. It was a very good day, Paul and I had bought her a present each which we claimed was conjoined, and she loved both of them. We got her a book each you see, and she's a total book fanatic. I got her "How To Break Your Own Heart" by Maggie Alderson, an author I know she loves cause she got me hooked on her books, and Paul got her "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles" by Haruki Murakami, who is a Japanese author that, again, her and I both adore. His books are so amazing, everyone should seriously read them, they're not like the normal books that you see around, they're different and amazing for it.

Anyway, I digress. Jayne & Nicki were there too, they got her a joint present, a cherry blossom body pack from The Body Shop, and we met lots of her other friends, including seeing Bek (her sister) and Bek's friend again, we met Scotty (who I'd heard a lot about xD), some of her Evermore concert friends, the crazy funny Japanese people from her Japanese club, and others who I sadly don't remember. It was a day filled with laughter and happiness as Nicki tried to teach me how to make origami roses and then we all just sat around talking/laughing/eating lunch and general having fun.

We were there (Nicki, Jayne & I) until about 4pm or 5pm or something, and in the meantime we had decided to go to Fat Louie's (a pub near Gilhooleys) to play pool. Gavin was going to meet us there, and Don & Nils (who were already in the city) were going to come along as well. Now I don't think that I had this blog when this happened, and so wouldn't have posted about it, but Don is Jayne's friend and one of my exes, whom I hadn't seen since we broke up in either April or May, I forget which. So I was slightly nervous at seeing my ex again. Before we could go to Fat Louie's though, I had to go to The Reject Shop to get two 50mL bottles for my aromatherapy assignment which was due on Tuesday, and then to Target in the Wintergarden to get a pair of proper shoes cause I only had thongs on, and going to a pub previously I had been denied entry due to wearing things.

So we did all of that and then headed over to Fat Louie's, making small detours as we always do, which included stopping at an adult store, and trying to get Jayne to go inside before we all lost nerve cause there were slightly forboding stairs that went down before you entered the store, and then - cause when we were at Target, we saw a 7/11 and Jayne remembered that it was free slushie day on the provision that you said "happy 7/11 day!" to the person at the counter - we found another 7/11 and Jayne and Nicki went in there for the free slushie, but the line was a bit too long and it wasn't frozen anyway, so we moved on.

Now, I should tell you, that there was a lot of laughter along the way to Fat Louie's cause we had decided to give ourselves completely different names just for the hell of it. I'm not entirely sure how that came about, but it did, and it was hilarious xD Here's what the names were (we decided them for everyone):
Nicki: Ben
Jayne: Chris(tine)
Me: Mandy (Amanda)
Gavin: Theodore (Teddy)
Don: Ashton (was going to be Ashley)
Nils: Marvin (now Nils already has a pretty awesome name, so we decided that it had to be slightly spacey, Marvin the Martian?)

So we got there and Gavin had already arrived, so we just sat and talked for a while, before deciding that Don & Nils were taking too long to get there, so we went up to the counter and paid the deposit for the pool table, and we were about halfway through a game (Jayne & I vs. Nicki & Gavin or something like that) when they did arrive.

Now I have to say, it doesn't look like Don has changed a bit. He's a bit slimmer perhaps (he's a bit of a gym junkie so I guess that's finally paying off), but apart from that he still looks like the same old Don. Nils hasn't changed much either. He's had a haircut since I last saw him, but he's still living in his purple house and as far as I'm aware still doing the same job. I love how some things don't change.

It was a bit awkward at first, as it usually is with the whole first time seeing the ex again, but because we were a rather large-ish group of people now (6 is a lot at a pool table), it wasn't too bad. We didn't speak at all that night really, except for the odd glance and a smile as we watched the other take their shot.

Either way it was a really fun night. After the first game we only played a couple more (Nicki left after the second one cranky cause we were having fun playing pool and he wanted to go back to Jayne's and play Mario), which was Olds (Gavin, Don & Nils) vs. Youngs (me, Jayne and Nicki), and then the last game we played we switched tables for the ones with chairs near it, and, cause Gavin was sitting out cause it was now uneven, and Nils had gone to get a drink, turned out to Jayne & I vs. Don on his own. He gave us a good run for our money too, but we beat him in the end xD Jayne, Nicki & I won the Olds vs. Youngs game too xD

Now, we made up different names for each other, but by about halfway through the night when everyone was talking to each other (I had a fun talk to Nils cause I hadn't seen him in a while - he lives out at Gympie so he's not out this way much - he's funny xD), we had all forgotten all about it until we were saying bye, and then as a joke we were like "Bye Ashley, bye Marvin!" XD

So after that we all went our separate ways, cause Don & Nils had to go and there wasn't much point with only three of us. I ended up catching a lift with Jayne & Gavin back to Lawnton station (which they had to go to to get Jayne's car anyway), and then train-d it back to Narangba and then over to Paul's, where I stayed the night. So that was an amazing fun-filled night, and then Sunday Paul and I did sweet fudge all =]

After that it was business as usual with work on Monday and then college on Tuesday. Tuesday was actually a pretty good day until unfortunately a whole string of rather unlucky things happened to me in a row. First was that when I was coming home on the first train, I left my college books on the seat next to me. Luckily though, in case this happened like I knew it would eventually, I had written my mobile number on my books, so the person who found them would hopefully contact me and then I could arrange to get them back, which is exactly what happened, I arranged with the woman who found them to get them back on Friday.

THEN, cause I was feeling all "omg how could I do that? I'm such a twat" from leaving them on the train, and QR was being a slut monkey that day, the trains to Caboolture confused me, cause it said there was one leaving in 5 minutes, but then it just disappeared and the next one wasn't for another half an hour, so I went to the bathroom. As soon as I walked through the bathroom door, I heard the announcement that the Caboolture train was arriving on platform 6, so I made my mad dash down the stairs, but a little too late. So with a sigh I trekked back up the stairs and back to the bathroom, went back down the escalator and stood on the platform waiting, feeling kind of sad and like a complete moron (it had been a big day), so I texted Jayne, Paul and Bolo telling them what had happened, cause I figured telling someone would make me feel better. Paul ended up ringing me when I got on the next Cabo train and I told him what happened, and although I wasn't going to originally, I ended up going to his place for "make-moni-not-feel-like-such-a-dork" cuddles =3

Anyway the rest of the week passed pretty non-eventfully. On Thursday I took Paul to Mission Australia for his appointment and then we went to the library. I haven't been to the library for years, and I've actually found that I've missed it...I think I might be paying more visits to it in the future =D

Anyway, Friday was college day and Jayne and I caught up afterwards. =3 Due to the circumstances of Tuesday, I asked her to meet me in the city after college so that she could come to Southbank with me so that I could get my Aromatherapy books back from Leonie, so she did. I met her at Central, and then off we headed through Queen St Mall and over to Southbank. On our way through Queen St Mall we saw Kate Miller-Heidke was supposed to be playing at midday, but by the time we went to Southbank, got my books, got lunch from the bakery there (cheese & bacon croissant, omg..), and then made it back over to Queen St (with a slight detour at the toy store cause Jayne was going to a costume party as a pirate wench and she was debating the idea of a pirate sword), she was finished performing and signing autographs. Jayne and I stopped and watched for about a minute (Jayne had no idea who she was so I was attempting to explain it xD It's a sad day when I know more about the world of celebs than a friend of mine) before going back on our mission to find the information centre.

We were trying to find it because of the previously mentioned party that Jayne was going to as a pirate wench, and she had told Gavin not to worry, she'd find her way, but then because she's capped, she couldn't get a map off the internet so it was kind of like ummm...MAYBE THESE PEOPLE COULD TELL US! -giant grin- And then when we finally got to the information centre (which was allllll the way at the other end of Queen St Mall), Jayne, the silly one, forgot the name of the hotel. She knew that it was something "Urban", (which in the end turned out to be the name of the hotel: "Urbane"), so we had an adventure and a mini argument over ringing Gavin to ask xD In the end we didn't, and just asked the ladies at the front counter for directions, which they happily gave, and as it turned out, it wasn't really that far away, it was just over on Wickham Terrace. So we left happily with Jayne's directions and now potential to tell Gavin that he was wrong (he said that he could see Jayne ringing him cause she had gotten lost) xD

After all that it was almost 2pm so we decided to head over to the Botanical Gardens for a while. On the way there we stopped at a couple of different places like I showed Jayne where Mick O'Malley's is (it's an Irish pub, but turns out she already knew), The Body Shop, where we played with the testers and talked to the very gay guy who worked there, gosh he was funny xD We also stopped at Borders (the bookstore) and explored the manga section for a while (all in the search for a chair, due to our crazy heavy bags, which we soon forgot all about), then we headed off and stopped at JB Hi-Fi before that and played around with the games and the computers, getting Jayne's impressive and my limited nurd on xD There was a touch screen computer screen! Which of course Jayne and I fell in love with instantly =D We had fun pondering if it would be cheating in FPS games having that screen, cause you could get head shots a lot easier =3

Anyway after stopping there, which was our last detour, we finally trekked the rest of the way to the Gardens (commenting on the awesome Japanese restaurant at the Royal Albert that we have to go to one day), went for a short stroll before deciding that the first patch of grass we came across was amazing, and we just plonked down (in a way that made us feel like grandmas) and sat in that spot, listening to my iTouch, drinking L&P, and eating Starburst jelly babies and K Bars (raspberry flavour). And we just talked (about everything girly, from pregnancy to monthlies, boyfriends to exes), laughed at the gang of "emo" teenagers that sat down behind us closer to the path, and going "ewwwwwww" at the two older people making out on the grass across the lake. All in all, it was a very good day =3

Anyway at about 3, I had to go, so we walked alllll the way back to Central station, only just resisting the urge for Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and then I felt sorry for Jayne cause she had to walk allll the way back again to the beginning of the directions, and then alllll the way to the hotel (I think she walked, there was a bus but I don't know if she took it). But anyway, we had a good afternoon with lots of randomness and laughter, the best kind <3

I got home (meaning Paul's home) at about quarter to 5, and then we ended up leaving his place - we had an argument :-( - to go to mine to play games with my brother and sister =D It took us like, half an hour to even decide what game we were going to play, and in the end we settled for Pictionary until dinner. Gosh it was funny. Karlie and I were on fire xD Paul and Bradley teaming up was just hilarious.

After we had dinner, we played Mario Party up until about 10pm, and then we alll got into our swimmers and went in the pool. It was so much fun. They played Battleships & Subs, and Marco Polo while I reffed. xD Then after that we started taking turns on the pool slide, and just general swimming around having fun. Bradley got out at about 11, but Paul, Karlie and I were in the pool at least another half an hour after that, and after we got out, we all just sat in the living room watching Top Gear and crap like that. Paul and I were the last to go to bed, and when we did we just laid in bed cuddling and watching Scrubs until I eventually fell asleep.

Today is our 5 month anniversary today and it's 2:20pm. Paul's still sleeping, I've been awake for about 2.5 hours now. I'll wake him up soon xD

That's all I really have to add...except that Jayne and I are going over to Evan's tomorrow to steal his pool table, drag him away from Dragon Age and play some pool and have general fun times =D It's not Fat Louie's, but it's free =3

<3 xx

Fighting 2.0;

Well, Jayne and I are fighting again. Well to be honest, it's Jayne and Chad vs. me. And it's over something completely stupid too.

Basically I did one of those funny little things on facebook where you get the photo of multiple little pictures that are so cute, and have things listed under them like "the party animal" and things like that. And I tagged a whole heap of people including Chad, Jayne, Paul and a few others. It was all okay until Paul made one comment that for some reason Chad took offence to and decided to attack him for it, saying something like "Paul should be tagged as the douche, oh wait there isn't one for that". All because Paul said something about 'the couch' which is our code word for a certain person. It's not Jayne or anything like that, so I don't know why Chad was getting so uppety.

Anyway after Chad wrote that comment, Jayne decided she'd be a little smart ass cow and put in "Good one Chad", effectively joining in on an argument that she isn't part of to begin with. So when she decided to stick her nose where it didn't belong, and I finally got sick of Chad, I retaliated at both of them, saying:
"Uncalled for Chad, since you don't know the background.
As for you Jayne, since you probably would agree if you knew he was talking about, stop being a hypocrite."

After that the conversation just degraded, with Chad continuing on the arguement by being a total asshole, provoking Paul into retaliating to what he said. This is what Paul said in the first place:
"Shouldn't the couch be the confused one? Or the fatty? Yes, I'm straight to the point. Love it. I'm dead on :D"
Now like I said before, 'couch' is our codeword for someone who was not actually in this fight at all. It had nothing to do with Chad, nothing to do with Jayne, nothing to do with anyone else who had commented on the photo. So again, I don't know what the hell Chad thought he was doing, whether he thought it was aimed at Jayne, and instead of asking, he just took all his angst at her now dating Gavin and turned it against Paul - which severly disappoints me with him because I thought him so much better than that - or he was just taking it personally, either way Chad was completely unprovoked and a complete bastard about it.

Now between all of these comments, I'm actually talking to Chad on MSN and telling him off for the completely uncalled for comment. He's being a moron and trying to dodge the fact that I'm actually really pissed off at him for it, trying to make me drop the subject, but I held out against him. I told him that he had no idea the history between Paul and the person he was talking about, and he came back with:
"He knows their history, I know his history, etc etc etc" Now you tell me. Is that a viable defence for someone who realistically has no idea what the hell they're talking about? I didn't think so, so I glared at him some more and told him that he was being a complete moron and in the end I told him to have fun on my blocked list. I've blocked Jayne too.

All the while Facebook comments are coming in on the photo like wildfire, including a funny one from Eevari saying "ALL YOUR HATE HAS CAUSED ANNOYING E-MAIL NOTIFICATIONS...STFU ALL OF YOU" (he was tagged in the picture too). In the end I told both Jayne and Chad off completely, and then added that any further comments on the subject on my facebook would be deleted. So what do Chad and Jayne do? Well Jayne puts a comment that says "meowwwwwww :D", then Chad puts one saying "penis." then Jayne puts another one saying "popcorn!". Of course you won't find any of those there anymore, because true to my word I removed them.

But those comments just pissed me off all the more, and I told Chad off for it again, cause them doing that just made me feel like they were trying to make me angry, trying to make me even more pissed off at them, like they didn't even care that I was really hurt by that pointless argument that started on a misunderstanding on Chad's part. I ended up telling Chad to have fun on my blocked list - I had taken him off to go off at him some more, and after Jayne posted that popcorn message, I unblocked her and told her "Fuck off Jayne, you're not funny", then blocked her again. She's still blocked now, and she most likely will be for a very long time if she wants to be a fucking bitch like that.

I actually called her a drama seeker in one of my final messages on Facebook too. Which is all that she looked like by sticking her nose where it didn't belong. It was Chad vs. Paul, which turned into Chad vs. me defending Paul. So where the hell does she fit into the equation? Correct answer? There's no way in hell that she does. Paul's message wasn't about her, and while I know that she doesn't like Paul, doesn't mean that she needs to get involved over every little thing. So much for the promise to be civil Jayne, you ignorant, nosy, drama needing person.

As for Chad? I'm suspecting that he's actually blocked me too now, cause I didn't actually delete him, I just blocked him, so he'd still show up on my MSN list if he was online, but not be able to see me, and he's not. And he's not one to go to bed early either. But hey, right now, considering I've deleted him off Facebook and blocked him (I was so tempted to hit the report button too), I really don't give a rat's ass. I actually thought that he was above all this petty argument starting for the hell of it you know. Just goes to show what a great judge of character that I'm not.

I'm actually feeling rather relieved that I have Jayne blocked at the moment. There's just so much drama surrounding her, and to be honest, I was getting really sick of it. While it may all seem exciting, on the other hand it's really draining on a person. Like this whole thing with Gavin. The Thursday that we went shopping she told me while we were eating lunch (as well as repeatedly throughout the day) that she wanted to be single for a few months, just enjoy the single life. Look how long that lasted. And of course the guys that she had after her (one of them Chad), she had to deal with all their drama and crap and I just didn't ask about all of that because I knew it would drain what energy I had...

Anyway, in other, happier news, I had a good weekend! Saturday I spent with Paul and his uncle Stephen tearing down a rusty old wire fence that his uncle had running down the middle of his sheep paddock. I haven't sweated that much in ages, it was really rather fun =D And no, contrary to Paul's beliefs that I would, being Kiwi and all, I did not chase the sheep. Paul did though, I think my Kiwi might be rubbing off on him xD It was funny watching his nana driving around the paddock on her scooter, with her cute little dog Minnie sitting under her feet and going for a ride. xD

I got attacked by fence twice in the process of cutting it down too. Once on my back, which was a lack of communication between Paul and I and my own stupidity of wearing a singlet, but Paul told me to watch out for my head and my leg on the fence, but forgot to warn me about my back, and the second time was my own fault, I got my foot tangled in some barbed wire that we left on the ground for collection when we were done and tripped over it, so I now have a lovely cut on my back, somewhere on my shoulder blade, and the other on the back of my ankle, just above my Achille's tendon. They don't hurt, but I have battle wounds =D I'm so proud x3

So we were at his Nana's from about 9:30am until about 6pm. We finished the fences at about 3 or 4pm (or maybe earlier), but during the breaks we took for a drink and for lunch, and then after we were finished, other family members were drifting in and out. I don't remember all their names, but there was his uncle Noel and his partner, aunt Susan (or something..), Graham, Peter and his partner, and his cousin Matt and his partner Crista or something like that haha. I think that was all of them, and I just hope that next time I see them (which may be Christmas) they'll forgive me for not remembering their names and calling them "hey you!" xD It was a fun day though, I think I sat in the lounge room with Paul's Nana for about 3 hours or so just watching TV and dozing off slowly while Paul and Stephen did something in the shed. It was funny =]

Sunday was a good day too. I stayed over Paul's that night, and when we finally dragged our asses out of bed and had a shower and everything (which was about 3pm I should tell you), we went back over to my place for a while cause my grandmother from Norfolk Island was up! Pa wanted to come up that day too, but apparently (cause they're actually staying with Pa's sister while Pa has/had his surgery and appointments and stuff) his nephew was coming up to see him so he couldn't. But it was good to see my Grandma again. I hadn't seen her since my 18th, which was almost two years ago now. We talked for an hour or so about this and that, just catching up and hugging, I introduced her to Paul too. She seemed to like him. She loved the fact that he used to work at Bunnings (it's only her favourite store that she can get lost in for hours).

Then Aunty Toni and Adrian came over, and by this time Paul, Karlie and Bradley were playing Operation while I was playing Super Mario Sunshine on the Gamecube. I'm newly addicted to that game. But after they played Operation I turned off Mario and all four of us played The Game of Life: Twists and Turns, which is like a modern version of the original Game of Life. It was fun. Paul and I ended up bringing it back to his place and playing it again x3 We've decided that one night we want to have a big, awesome games night. Not computer/console games, but board/card games. So when we get that planned it should be ossum.

Anyway, our game got interrupted about halfway through for dinner, which was a roast and it was freaking amazing I might add. Paul loved it, and for dessert there was sticky date pudding and chocolate pudding and oh my god, I seriously died and went to heaven xD then after dinner and we finished our interrupted game, I took Paul home, then at about 11:30pm I came home again and went to bed, and today I just worked!

So there it is, my weekend and my not so good night tonight. I was literally shaking with anger when I left tonight to come to Paul's, I was that pissed off at Chad and Jayne. But hey, what's done is done now, I'm not talking to them, and they'll just have to deal with that until I feel that I can face them and their dramas again, which I don't see happening soon, but whatev. I'm sure they'll survive. I'm starting to think that I don't need extra crap like this sort of shit in my life you know?

Enough of my musings for one night, I'm just gonna chill out and watch some Pearl Harbour now, Paul's playing Fallout 3. It looks fun but he doesn't let me near it XD

<3

Oil burning cypress adventures;

Wow, new record, twice in two days! Posting I mean. I'm pretty sure that this is just a one off cause I had a bit of an adventure today.

So today I went to college as I normally do on a Friday morning, getting up at the ungodly hour of 6am for the 5th last time ever. And I mean ever. It's my last semester this year and I can't wait until I finish xD I'll be all like wew~ partyyyyyyyy! =D Except I probably won't party, I'll probably just like, fall into bed and sleep for 100 years like Sleeping Beauty. Yeah, that's more like it...

ANYWAY. Went to college. Got to the break in the middle of Remedial Massage 2 and went to Raindrops Essential Oils, which is the name of the massage/aromatherapy product shop that two of the lecturers at my college own. They're really lovely people, Dave and Katherine, but neither of them were there today. And then when I asked for the student aromatherapy starter pack that I needed, the woman who served me - who was also very lovely - told me that just yesterday Dave had taken all the ones that she had made up down the coast to shrink wrap them all together. So in the end it turned out that she was just going to make me one up right then on the spot, and she told me to go back to class and come back after class was finished to collect it, cause it would take her a while.

So I did just that, I got a coffee and went back to class, and when I came back to the store to pick it up (in all fairness it was only half an hour, and she had to measure and label all the things as she made them up), she was still in the process of doing it. So I just wandered around the shop looking at everything (it's only a little shop but it's so adorable), while she finished that off, and I just happened to admire the oil burners that were there for $3. That's when I got a surprise cause the woman said that she'd throw it in for free, but just don't tell Dave or Kath. So I thanked her and took one, so now I have an adorable little oil burner.

While she was filling up the bottles to the right sizes as the list, which I had luckily brought so I didn't forget what the thing was called (it had all the oils and measurements for each that was included, luckily for the woman), said, and printing off the labels for each of them, she was having issues printing off the label for the Cypress oil, cause every time that she would go to print it out, her computer froze on her. So what does she do? She finally gave up trying to print off a label for a 5mL bottle of it, and gives me a 12mL bottle of it instead...at no extra cost! "There you go, a 12mL bottle for the price of 5mL" was what she said. I just couldn't believe my luck!

So after we FINALLY got it all sorted out and I paid the original price for what the pack would have been, I talked to the woman for a couple more minutes about college and aromatherapy and various items in the shop while she bagged it for me, then said bye and went to catch my train, oil burner, tea light candle and 12 essential oils all in tow. I felt so lucky. =D

So now I have:
Cedarwood
Cypress
Geranium
Ginger
Lavender
Lemon
Sweet marjoram
Black pepper
Rosemary
Ylang Ylang
Juniper berry &
Tea tree

I have all 12 of those oils so now I can finally get started making some aromatherapy blends! YAAAAAY! I can't wait to start mixing some for people, and testing them out to see if they work. While I was in the shop I also noticed that they sell shampoo and conditioner bases, so I can make aromatherapy blends for shampoo and conditioner!!! That would be especially helpful for my friend Jayne who has dermatitis on her scalp, so this whole thing excites me =D

Oh! And my other adventure was on the Caboolture train home, I just happened to look over to the other side and see someone who looks EXACTLY like my friend Abe. But he lives in NSW so it can't have been him, right? I was tempted to text him asking but I didn't.

Anyway, I've had a big day, and I'm dying from tiredness.
Cut!
xx

Ridiculous adventures of the crazy kind;

~The dawn is breaking, a light shining through~

Wew. I love that song. I seriously can never get sick of it!

Collide - Howie Day. I don't actually remember how I came across it, I'm pretty sure that it was in a movie... -shrug- who knows, all I do know is that I can have it on repeat and never get sick of it like I do with other songs. The other one of course is One Safe Place - Marc Cohn. I can still listen to that one for hours on end.

Gosh it's been another whole two weeks since I last wrote a blog. I seriously do think that I am getting bored with it for the time being. Especially considering I've had some rather exciting adventures in the past time frame, yet haven't bothered to document them. So here I am now getting ready to =D

So I wrote that I was going shopping with Jayne last Thursday. Which did happen, and was a tremendous success as well as a total failure. A huge success cause we bought some lovely things, but a total fail cause I managed to spend allllll my money... ='[ And I mean all of it. There were only coins left in my wallet. This is what happens when I go clothes shopping on pay day and don't plan it out properly...-sigh-

But anyway, focusing on the positives. I went to the bank that morning and did all the necessary transactioning, board to my parents, paying my car loan, etc. Then just as I get out to the carpark, Paul texts me asking me to call him, so I do. He just wanted to know - cause it was ridiculously hot when there was no breeze - if I would mind picking him up from a train station so that he didn't have to walk home in the heat. I told him I would and that I'd be there in about 10 minutes, and he said that it would take him roughly that long to get to the agreed station too.

So I sat there waiting in the heat, at the pick up section of the station (turns out it didn't take me that long to get there at all), for about 5 minutes before Paul's train arrived. We stopped at the petrol station cause I need petrol and he wanted lunch on the way of dropping him home. I had already texted Jayne while I was waiting at the station to say that I was going to be a bit later than I had said. She said that that was okay cause she was held up at her sister's too.

So anyway eventually I got to Jayne's, and we just sat around her granny flat for about 15 minutes just talking about nothing and double checking that she had everything that she needed. After that we left to go shopping yayyy. I asked her before we left if she knew that the yellow place near the Chermside shopping centre was a Beaurepaires, Bob Jane T-Marts or a Dick Smith Electronics, but she didn't know, so we ended up just going to the tyre place that her dad goes to.

It was really funny. Both of us balked at the idea of asking the guy what I needed (which was a new tyre, due to both my spare and the original being punctured), but eventually we asked him, he took a look at my tyre size and went into the workshop to check if he had any. Turns out that he didn't have any tyres (new or secondhand) in my tyre size and wouldn't until Monday, so I told him what was wrong with my old one and he ended up just fixing the tyre.

Now Jayne and I were standing in the mechanic's shop waiting for them to finish fixing my tyre (one of the workers kept giving us the evil eye, like he was telling us "you stupid females, get out", it was scary..), and when the guy who we first talked to in the shop took off my tyre with his magical speedy screw remover gun thing, Jayne told him that her dad comes to this place and all of a sudden we had instant respect in that guy's eyes (not the one glaring, he still kept glaring...). It was hilarious. I felt totally out of place and yet was fascinated by it. In the end fixing my tyre only cost me $20, which I thought was amazing.

So next we went to Chermside to do what we had been planning on doing all along: SHOPPING! Oh it was an adventure getting to Chermy too, cause I was convinced - as they had also filled the tyre with air for me, and I haven't filled my other tyres in a while - that my car was tilting to one side from the extra air pressure on the left side from the newly repaired tyre. Jayne didn't believe me though. I kept asking if she thought my car felt tilted slightly and she said no, so in the end I just agreed with myself and stopped asking =3

Anyway we got to Chermside, and of course since we came out right in front of it, the first stop was Donut King for a cup of mini donuts each. Neither of us had had lunch, so we used the donuts to fill us up for a while until we ate something actually lunch-y. Then we went to Tea Bar, which Jayne had never had before, I introduced her to the amazingness of it yayyy~ Now she doesn't know how she lived without it :P

We wandered through and past the shops before finally ending up at City Chic (ironically on our way to actually get lunch). Now, City Chic is the only shop that I will buy clothes from. It's pricy, but targeted at the larger sizes, and I'm in love with the fashions, they're so comfy. I ended up (after trying on a few items) buying jeans which are amazing, and an awesome new top that I am going to marry =D

We then went to places like Sportsgirl, etc etc for more Jayne's side of things. We went to Jay Jays and she bought a dress and a totemo kawaii Hello Kitty bag from there. I ended up buying Paul two shirts: one with Optimus Prime, the other with Bumblebee. We then went to places like Swarovski (everything there was gorgeous), and Igedo. Now, Igedo is normally freaking expensive, I'm talking like hundreds, but they had a $10 rack. Jayne found the cutest dress there, and since she said that she and Gavin were thinking of taking up Latin dancing classes, it would be perfect for it, so after trying it on and finding the right size, she bought it. She had to ask the shop assistant if it was really $10, she really couldn't believe it, it was hilarious xD

Next stop was Shiki in the food court to get some amazing Japanese curry chicken for lunch. Now the serves they give you there are easily enough for two people, so we shared it =] We just talked about random things while we were eating, swapping romantic stories while we ate (Paul vs. Gavin) and the like.

Then we went to go to the CBA ATM cause Jayne needed more money out, then we ducked into Time Zone and did one of those crazy mini photo booth things. Our decorating skills on those were crazy xD So after that we went back downstairs and meandered through Myer for a while before strolling the shops along the pathways again, ending up at Rubi shoes. We both ended up taking advantage of the 2 pairs of shoes for $25 offer. Jayne got a black pair and a red pair, I got a black pair and a silver pair. It was funny because when we got back to her house we discovered that although the red shoes claimed to be the same size as the black, they actually didn't fit right at all. Jayne didn't try the red ones on you see xD So she has 14 days to take them back.

But after that we were pretty tired and finished with the shopping, but on the way out we couldn't resist stopping in at Diva. They had the word sale!! How could we not go in?! But anyway, after that we really did go home to Jayne's. The downside is that when we did decide to leave we were also travelling with allll the freaking homeward bound office traffic. That and I kept hitting like a million and one traffic lights. Red ones, I mean. I wasn't randomly running into traffic light poles xD I mean my car's a tank but I don't think that it could have quite handled that haha.

Anywayyyy. Eventually we got back to Jayne's about 10 minutes before I had to leave again to go and massage Flavia and Mark. So I was sitting on her couch when she discovered the red shoe thing, and stealing her MSN for a few minutes for funnys, when she ended up surprising me by inviting Gavin over suddenly, telling me that she wanted me to meet him and he only lived 2 minutes away so he'd be able to be here soon for a quick visit.

Now this I didn't appreciate too much 'cause I was fully not ready to meet Gavin yet. I'd just been ignoring Jayne for 3 weeks or so, I wanted to re-establish our friendship before getting sucked into the other aspects of it, and her pushing this meeting with Gavin onto me (I couldn't leave and seem rude, plus I will admit I was slightly curious) counted as her pulling me in headfirst into her life again.

But anyway, I met Gavin, he seemed really nice. He was only stopping for a few minutes anyway cause he was off to Westfield to meet some of his mates. And shortly after he left I really had to go otherwise I would be hell late, and that's just not fair on my clients so I departed, leaving Jayne to go to Alex and Eevari's like we were going to do that day to teach Eevari to cook if he had gotten the day off, but he didn't so...

I went and did the massages and came home. I logged in to MSN and was talking to Paul and he said that he was annoyed at me. Now, the night before my big day out with Jayne he had asked me to please be home with enough time before I went to go and do the massages, and I told him that I would try my best, but because of the time that we actually got back from the shops and the whole Gavin thing I didn't end up managing that. So anyway, he told me that he's annoyed with me cause he had a surprise for me when I got home, but it didn't matter now (this is after the massages) because it's too late. So now I'm left achingly curious as to what it was but when I asked him about it he just said "it doesn't matter" and would get kinda angry when I kept asking so I just dropped it. And so that was my Thursday.

The rest of my week went by rather uneventfully. College in the early morning on Friday, followed by coming back to Narangba and heading over to Paul's house for cuddles and games and fun things. Saturday I don't actually remember what I did, I'm fairly certain that I just hung out with Paul watching movies and the like. Monday I worked, Tuesday was college, Wednesday I worked, and I worked most of Thursday as well even though it's my day off.

Why is it it's only really my Thursdays that are eventful?! Because on this Thursday I had to get up and go to work by 10, to find out that Tristan (regional manager and a real twat) was coming in at about 12ish, but he didn't get to work until 1ish, in true Tristan style. Then in the middle of my dad's meeting with him, the phone rang and it was my sister's school, telling me that she was in sick bay with a possibly fractured wrist. So I interrupted dad in his meeting, and he took the call. I ended up going to the school to pick her up while Dad got rid of Tristan, then when I got back he took her down to the conveniently located medical centre next to Red Rooster and got the doctor to have it checked. Then Mum came and got Karlie, and took her to have it x-rayed. I ended up leaving work at about 3:30pm after I was supposed to knock off at 2.

I went over to Paul's to pick him up and bring him over to my house while I did some things, and it was funny, cause we stopped in to Woolworths cause Paul wanted some things, and when we were driving down past the Tavern to my house we see my brother walking behind us a little, just come off the bus and now walking home. So despite instructions from Paul - "just keep going!" - we stopped and picked up my brother and took him home with us. Save him walking in the heat. Gosh it was funny watching him run to catch up with the car. He runs so spastically xD

But anyway, after hanging out at my place for a while, I took Paul home and we watched a movie or two, don't ask me what we watched I was tired and I forget xD Then I went home and had an early night cause I had college early in the morning again.

Last weekend was actually the Tae Kwon Do tournament, and I had Paul and Blair helping me out with the hot food/cold drinks/coffee stalls cause there is no way in hell, with how busy those things get, that one person can do it on their own. Especially the hot food. I was actually a bit nervous about Blair meeting Paul, cause they hadn't yet in the past, but they seemed to actually get along great, so that made the weekend positive. I had a mini breakdown each day cause I wasn't getting very good sleep the nights before each day (Friday night, Blair kept my up with her coughing, and Saturday with her snoring, like seriously, fucking hell...) and I just got so stressed out with all the people and things like that. I'm lucky Paul was there though, cause whenever he could see that I was getting too stressed - it's not hard to tell either, I started snapping at him for stupid things - he'd go and get Mum, who had the worst fucking case of walkabout I've ever seen, and Mum would send both of us off to calm down and have a break for a little while. So we'd just sit out on the little ledges thing that was just across from the hall, hugging and me de-stressing, just talking about things until I was okay. My boyfriend is a legend, I adore him so much. He's very good at calming me down I know now xD

And so the weekend vanished in a flurry of sausages, roast beef, cold drinks and coffees, but in the end I think we had fun. Even I did, despite my breakdowns. After everything was all packed up and cleaned in the hall on the Sunday, and everyone had gone home, Paul, Blair, Karlie, Bradly and I started playing around in the hall. At first it was just Bradley and Paul playing with a roll of electrical tape that they had found randomly - and I somehow ended up taking home =/ - and then Blair joined in, and then Paul went and found a football from some room that he had seen them before, then Karlie joined them. While they played with the football I was just laying on the table relaxing and playing with the electrical tape, laughing as I watched them. Then Paul found a netball in the same room, and we ended up using it as a basketball, and Blair had one of her famous little hissy fits over how we shouldn't bounce a netball, but we didn't care (by this time Bradley had gone home with Dad and I had joined in), we started dribbling and shooting hoops. Paul cheated against me, he grabbed my hand and turned me around, making me lose the ball xD But it was all fun.

So after that we went and dropped Blair home, then on the way home we rang Maria's Fish and Chips and ordered dinner for my family. When we brought it home and after we ate it, Mum and Dad both agreed that it was really good fish and chips, so that made us happy. I ended up taking Paul home at about 10:30 cause I was starting to fall asleep. So I did that and then came home and talked to him for about another half an hour or so before I went to bed.

The rest of my week up until today has passed in it's usual fashion. Work, college, work, and now my day off. It's pay day today too. I have a hairdresser's appointment at 9:45 and then after that Paul and I are going to Morayfield and North Lakes to do a little bit of shopping. Like I need to get Danielle a present for her birthday, and he needs to put money on his lay bys, stuff like that. So today should be a good day, although my hair will be smelly, cause I'm getting it chemically straightened. Ashlea has to do an assessment on it, so I'm her test dummy. It should be fun =D

I'll sign off here, cause I've been blogging for half an hour now and I need to go get ready soon. Hopefully I won't be too lazy to keep this updated in the future. xD

Love

xx

PS: I'm really getting in to my Aromatherapy class lately, I can't wait to start making blends =D

PPS: I started this on the 21st of October, but finished it today, the 29th. The stupid date isn't changing though, so things may not match up with the date, GAH.

Space case!

I completely forgot! The original point of me doing a blog in the first place was to put down these funny jokes that my friend Justin sent me the other day XD

So here they are:

Confucius say:
Man who run through airport turnaisle backward going to Bangkok.

Confucius say:
Man who leap off talk cliff jump to conclusion.

Confucius say:
Girl who sit in judge's lap get honourable discharge.

Confucius say:
It take many nail to make crib, one screw to fill it.

Confucious say:
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Confucius say:
To meet girl in park is good. To park meat in girl is better.
(that one made me laugh for AGES)

Confucius say:
Girl who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Confucius say:
War not determine who right. War determine who left.

Confucius say:
If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.

Confucius say:
Man with tool in girl's mouth not necessarily dentist.

Confucius say:
Woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
(For those who don't know, a cat house is a brothel)

I have no idea where he got these from, but gosh they made me laugh XD

Confucius say happy fun times and making up;

Wow, so okay, a LOT has happened since the last time I posted something. I'm getting so lax at this. Maybe it's cause not that much occurs in my life apart from going to college and working, or maybe cause I'm just too lazy to really do this much anymore. Well anyway, I'll fill in on what has happened since then.

Paul and I got back together a couple of days later, after that massive fight in September. I missed him so much, I didn't stop crying all that weekend basically, except for the little reprieves I got when I finally managed to tone it down a bit so I could breathe properly for a little while. The longest that that managed to last - before I remembered the whole sordid affair and start bawling again - was about an hour and a half. But we did work it all out in the end, which I'm really happy with. The thought of losing him hurt so much ='[ But yes, a day or so later we were back together, after many a long conversation and trying to sort it out.

You know the saying "you don't know what you got till it's gone"? Well, that was very true. Not that I underappreciate Paul, I love and appreciate everything he's ever done for me (and that's a lot), but ever since I almost lost him I appreciate him all the more cause I truly know how deeply I feel for him. Gosh I'm a sap. But it's true. He's the sweetest, most adorable, caring guy I've met ever, but he wouldn't want you to know that :P something about keeping up his devilish appearances. Each to their own I suppose, but I still tell people :P

Jayne and I had it out like two alley cats fighting over leftover fish, or catnip, or whichever works better. I talked to her for the better part of a day, and when it became apparent that she wasn't listening and it felt like she wasn't even bothering to understand my point of view - too wrapped up in the fact that Liam had told her that day that he truly didn't love her anymore, something she'd already heard - I ended up telling her that I was so annoyed at her and I didn't want to see or hear from her for a while, 'cause I needed to re-evaluate our friendship.

And that was that. I blocked her on MSN, she respected my wishes and didn't talk to me or show up at my house at all (which, in complete contradiction, made me feel worse/angrier, cause for a brief moment it appeared that she didn't care about our friendship enough to just ignore me and come work it out anyway, but that was just me being silly), and for the better part of 2 or 3 weeks, I forget, We didn't talk.

Now all through this time, I may not have been talking to her, but I did keep reading her blog. I made one post on it one day - I forget which one and what I wrote - and from then on, in came the comments. Now, I do remember this post being an angry one. So obviously I still wasn't ready to talk to her/see her. But she took it the opposite way as I was ready. So, she started commenting on my Facebook again, etc. She was still blocked on MSN so she couldn't talk to me there. Now that really annoyed me, that she just started talking to me again. Although I suppose it is my fault, I put the post there which could be taken as a signal, and then when she started commenting I just chose to ignore her and not tell her that I was still annoyed with her and not ready yet.

So unfortunately - for her - Jayne messaged me at 2am on whatever day it was, to tell me that she was going to BDO (Big Day Out for all you n00bz) and that Muse would be there, and was I going? Now, I slept straight through this and didn't get it until about 8:30am-ish, and by then I was late for work so I just ignored it.

I actually didn't remember about it until later that night when I was telling Paul, and I didn't reply until the next day, telling her off for messaging me when I'm not ready to talk to her yet and not to contact me again, and that no I was not going to BDO (it's a waste of money to me, even if Muse is going to be there). And yet of course she replied to that message didn't she. So I sent a nastier one back and that one she didn't reply to.

So we just carried on as we were for another week(? I'm horrible with time frames) until eventually, I was at Paul's one night and he was doing something, watching a movie I think, and I turned to him and told him that I think I should unblock her, talk to her, see what happens. He told me that if I really wanted to and thought I was ready to deal with her then I should. So I did. While I was at his house, so I had his support. She didn't say a thing the entire time that I was there, so after I said hello, about 15 minutes later, I thanked her for such an awesome talk and logged off cause I was going home cause I had washing to do.

Anyway, I went home, I put my washing on and all that jazz, and turned on my lappy - he's dying, I need to replace him soon ='[ - and logged into MSN. Jayne said hi and whats up and the conversation stopped there for a moment cause I had to go hang my washing out (yes it took her that long to talk again that my washing - which took an hour - was done). And when I got back we started talking, and talking, and talking, going through everything, why I was annoyed at her, how she didn't feel that she had done the things that I had taken as she had, things like that. I just pointed out to her how things she did made me feel like I was inferior to her, cause a lot of times in conversations that actually meant something to me she kept changing the topic and things like that, and that really annoyed me.

Anyway, in the ended we sorted it all out and now we're talking again. We're going shopping today actually, at Chermside. I was going shopping anyway cause I need a new tyre and new clothes and stuff like that, and Jayne wasn't doing anything so she asked if she could come too, so she is.

Oh yeah, that's another thing that's happened. My tyre. Back left one to be specific. Paul and I noticed a little while ago that it was making the weirdest noise when we were driving, and when I voiced my concerns to mum, who the next day told dad, who had a look at it, it turned out there was actually a screw embedded in my tyre. And when we went and pulled the spare out, which I've never touched, and went to attach it, it turns out there's actually a nail embedded in that one. So I have to go to Bob Jane T-Marts or something today to go and get a new one. Cause not only is there a nail in the spare, but it's also completely bald. No treads whatsoever.

So yeah, that happened. What else is going on...

It was Paul and I's 4 month anniversary yesterday. I had to work during the day, but I went over to his house that night, and we had awesome cuddles and kisses before I even got in the door xD I walked up to the front door and knocked, and he must have gone around the side door cause he snuck up behind me and surprised me XD Gosh he's so cute. And then we were outside for about 5 minutes, just hugging and hello kisses and "happy anniversary", it was so adorable. I have to stand on the balls of my feet/almost tippy toes to be on the same level as him, so I was just standing like that, arms around him for support otherwise I'd fall over (I have terrible balance), it's little things like that that make me smile =]

Anyway eventually we went in the house and by this time Bucket (baby budgie, although he's more a toddler now, he's almost ready to fly) was hungry, so after showing me somethings on his computer Paul went to feed him while I just mucked around on his computer checking Facebook etc. Eventually he came back with a now full Bucket, and put him back in his basket fortress. Before Paul had fed Bucket we was huggling and killing bugs that kept landing on him (they come through his window, attracted to the light) so I had wrapped myself up in his blanket to keep the bugs away from me XD

Before the Bucket feeding, we just sat on his bed and cuddled while watching snippets of Shoot 'em Up, which I wouldn't mind seeing all of. It looked good.

After Bucket was fed we decided to have fish and chips for tea, which may sound kind of lame for an anniversary dinner, but seriously, this fish and chip store he showed me, it's like freaking catnip for clones! It's soooooooooooo good. So we went out and got that, and on the way through stopped at my house and picked up X-Men Origins: Wolverine (which I had forgotten to bring with me the first time), then went back to his house and nommed our delicious food while watching the movie. When we were both done eating we just lay on his bed cuddling and watching the rest of it.

After the movie was over Paul did something, while I stole his computer (I needed to sit up, I was getting sleepy) and played some Peggle. Peggle is awesome fun. XD Then we switched and I laid on the bed all curled up while he went and saw his brother who had just gotten home and then went and created a character for the new Dragon Age Origins game that he's getting soonish. I actually fell asleep while he was doing that =/ So he woke me up and told me to go home, I didn't want to, cause that would mean that the night was over, but I was very tired and I couldn't stay there cause he had to get up early this morning. So I went home.

I'm staying with him tomorrow night though. I miss him lots even though it hasn't even been 12 hours, but I see him tomorrow so it's all okay =]

Anyway I better finish here, that's about all I can think of for now, plus I might have a nap before I go out =D

Peace
<3

Fighting;

I got sunburnt yesterday, while playing in the pool with Paul and Eevari. It was fun. I actually didn't notice the burn until later that night. Actually Paul was the one who pointed it out -thinking face-

Anyway that's hardly the point. Tonight I had a bath to try and take some of the sting out of it, and in the end I was so hungry (hadn't had dinner yet, and this is at like 9pm) that I was feeling generally like crap so I dragged myself out and downstairs to go get some food (greek yoghurt yumm).

So I'm just happily eating away, watching Good News Week on the T.V. in the room adjacent when Mum asks me what my brother could possibly do for his neck, as he hurt it at training tonight. Now, given the location and time frame since the injury, I told him to do the one thing that I could at the current point in time.

Now in hindsight I could have asked a couple more questions like what did you do, where is it specifically, etc, but reality is, I'm not a doctor. I'm a freaking massage therapist who had to have an advanced knowledge of anatomy cause of all those damned Anatomy & Physiology classes. But I digress.

So I tell him to ice it. For 20 minutes, twice a day, for the next 3 days. That's all I can do with a fresh injury, and then Mum just starts going apeshit at me. Things like "you give nothing back!" and "why do I bother paying you're school fees? I'll just take him to a fucking doctor!" were said. And that post-bath relaxed high I had going? Gone. All thanks to my mother thinking I know everything and can work it all out.

In the end? He didn't end up icing it. He's just gone to put on PJs apparently, or go to bed, one of the two. I just saw him come down the stairs so either he's gone to whinge about his neck or he isn't going to bed yet. And also now Mum's shitty at me cause she thinks I don't do anything, when in reality I just did the one thing that I could considering how recent he hurt it. Oh but of course she didn't listen to me when I said that.

I really hate fighting, and I hate feeling like I'm useless cause I've done all I can and it's just not enough. I hate that my mother thinks that since I've started studying this I'm some sort of superhuman who knows where it's sore through intuition and knowing what the most common injuries are.

So right now I'm feeling kind of down, cause pretty much all I heard from Mum's little tirade at me was "you're useless, why did I bother paying for you to study there?" You can imagine how great that makes me feel...

Fighting's pointless isn't it? All it is is angry words that half the time you don't even mean, and the other half is you forcing your thoughts onto someone without listening to theirs in return. I've had enough fighting in my life, between what happened a couple of weeks ago and my mother being so gorram hot-headed. (Yes, gorram. Watch Firefly, you'll understand then).

I don't want to fight anymore, but I know that it's just inevitable because you could be the sweetest person in the world, and yet eventually you'll clash with someone. It could be over something completely trivial, or some big belief that you are willing to martyr yourself for, point is you will clash. You don't know if it'll be with a stranger, or your best friend, but it will happen.

Angry words. Hurtful words. Words designed to make the other person feel like absolute shit. That's all a fight is. I wish I lived in my happy place where there were no fights, no stress and the world didn't revolve around money. I actually sometimes wish that we lived back in the old days where we didn't just press a button and get what we want, but then I'm a complete hypocrite cause I look at my PS2 and my DVD player and can't help but think that I'd die without them.

How weird would it be to live in the times when there were blood feuds? And I don't mean Romeo and Juliet crap, I mean real blood feuds. Where two people (or families) despise each other so much that they do anything possible to ruin the other. That would be such a horrible time.

Anyway, I've rambled on too much. I'm pretty tired already from my bath and the one-sided arguement with Mum didn't help my mood at all. I might go watch some Code Geass or Strawberry Panic! to cheer me up. Ooo maybe Digimon =D We were watching that while floating in the pool yesterday. I forgot how cute they were.

Peace
<3

Death on a spatula being spoon fed intravenously;

Well, last night was possibly the most interesting/worst night I've had in a very long time...

Shall I list the events?

1) Paul commented on Jayne's blog, and ended up being ganged up on.
2) everyone started getting up me for what he wrote.
3) it got very ugly.
4) I exploded at all of them, going on a massive rant.
5) Paul broke up with me.
6) I stayed up until 3am crying and refusing to talk to any of them except for Paul and Chad.

So there it is in a nutshell. It's a chain of events that has been coming for a very long time. But...I wasn't expecting #5. It hurt so much when he said it. I've had a 7 hour sleep and the first thing that happened when I woke up was think about it and start crying again. I get the feeling that this is going to be a very sad weekend...but I should start at the beginning...

Jayne posted a blog about her past week, which involved the events of Tuesday. Now in that blog, she both didn't even bother to mention that she had ruined our day - her circumstances aside, read it in my other blog - and also there was no apology. Now, she had apologised to me previously, but it was over Facebook so I'm not too sure I should be counting it. However, she's refusing to apologise to Paul, who is just as affected - again, read my other blog - by what happened that day. Which is something I don't consider unreasonable, I mean if you're going to apologise to one party for a ruined day surely it's even just courtesy to apologise to the other...

But anyway, Paul saw that she hadn't even bothered to apologise to him in that blog or at all, so he went nuts. He picked her up on the fact that she left out the part of ruining our special day together, and how she was oblivious to other people's feelings and how she should think of how she treats others etc etc. For the full fight go to http://www.darkslinky.com/ (it's in the comments for the blog "The ice-cream fiend should have stayed in bed") - I'm only picking parts out of it that are needed to explain last night.

But I digress. Now Jayne's reply with an obviously -thinks of the word- ach I cant think of it, either way she didn't mean it, "sorry". And then started going on about how things don't always turn out the way that they're planned etc etc. Basically the rest is just in retaliation to each other.

Now before this really happened Chad and Paul had a long conversation about why he and Jayne were so antagonistic to each other, which came about because of the first comments on the blog (Chad's an authoriser(? I can't think of the word for that either) on her website, he can control the run of comments that are posted on there). So I added Paul into a conversation with Chad and let him explain himself. Mistake number one. I mean sure Chad tried his best to understand his point..but...I dunno, I can't help but feel that he just didn't get it at all...

Anyway, later on when things were starting to get really antagonistic over the blog and Alex was going off at me for what he said, so in my frustration I added Paul into the conversation with him and told him to talk to Paul about it. Mistake number two. So Paul started talking to Alex, and they tried to get me into the conversation to help explain his side. I was officially so over all the fighting that I refused and told them "Don't you dare drag me into this conversation, I want no part of this". Mistake number three.

I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, letting him explain himself and not having me jumping in there and getting facts wrong and ending up just doing more damage...but soon after I say that in the Alex/Paul convo I get another message...from Paul...
"Me + convo = annoyed at you"...
For two reasons. First cause I didn't warn him that I was adding him into a conversation with Alex, and the second cause what I said in that conversation appeared to him as me refusing to defend him and me choosing Jayne over him. Now I don't want to make a decision at all, but I guess that life doesn't always work out the way that they planned.

After that the conversation between Paul and I just went downhill...
[with improved grammar, here's snippets of how the conversation degraded:]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul:
no offence, i seriously feel like breaking up with you
so you can be sad and un-happy with jayne, ur wifie
u seriously will choose her over me in the end
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul:
hun, i know u.
but honestly u told me in the way u say things,u care about jayne more then me
why? by shoving in my face that she is ur wifie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul:
hunie, u have been stabbing me with a knife and that thin just then made it worse
Who the fuck do you think u are?
letting some randomi was helping u with stab me with a knife
when he doesn't know the full story and then not evening defending me when u know the story and u were a 3rd party
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul:
yeah, well, he wouldn't listen
so know it's him and alex (jayne is the him) againest me.
how do you think i feel?
i feel fucked, thanks a fucking lot.
i love u

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
but...

Paul:
but half as much as i did
that hurt me 2 say it, but it's true
hunie, no offence, but until it's sorted
i'm going 2 have 2 break up with u
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And there it was. We broke up, and I spent the rest of the night crying...oh and during this entire conversation that lead to this, I've been going ape shit at Alex, Jayne and Chad. I also added Paul into it in case he had anything to add..

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
THATS IT. ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN.
alex

X1:
Roger that

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
he tried explaining to you, you say you kept going off the facts. facts arent emotion and emotion hurts more

Chad:
This will be interesting.

X1:
('lo Chad )

Chad:
Shh. She's typing.

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
jayne. both of you grow the fuck up. you've both hurt each other in the past, you're as bad as each other, and i am so effing sick of you two acting like 4 year olds! eloquent 4 year olds but 4 year olds nonetheless

Jayne-kun:
"shove it up your raped ass hole"

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
i
said
shut
the
fuck

Jayne-kun:
= unforgiveable.

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
up

Chad:
You know your status is set to away.. but you're not away..

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
chad, no real quarrell with you. completely irrelevant that point. you've been playing both sides of the fence and while you did give paul an honest shot at explaining his sideyou're still not getting it

Chad:
Go on..

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
i am extremely torn between my boyfriend and my best friend here, who've been at war from the beginning of some fucking retarded thing on a website. you each have your own opinions over what happened, but can you not agree to disagree here?! like for fucks sake! i am shaking im so fucking pissed at all of you. yes i swear when i get pissed. deal.
what chad?

Chad:
I said, how am I not getting it?

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
prove to me that you ARE getting it and i'll take back my comment.

Chad:
He explained that he's cut due to all this, especially tuesday, however he proceeds to talk like a 5 year old with his comments.

X1:
(I'll wait for my turn, use the tele-prompter or do a barrell roll and I'll jump in.)

Chad:
Alex did you get my private message?

X1:
I did Ssh, not the time (<3)

Chad:
okay >_>

X1:
Look, seriously though.I've come into this, I'm the newbie.
I have no idea whats gone on the past. Just the present, and whats been laid out in front of me. when I tried to probe into the past with the conversation with Paul just before, when contradictions arose he raged and went nutso.

Paul:
UR ALL JUST A BUNCH OF KUNTS....THANKS ALOT.....WE BROKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paul has left the conversation.

Chad:
Oh wow.That's not good.

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
thanks guys. problem solved.

X1:
What I'm currently seeing at this point are aggressive posts by both Paul AND Jayne, but the violence is coming from Paul.

X1:
This sucks.

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
of course it is, he's male, its all he knows how to defend himselfso i hope you're all happy.

X1:
Moni, I'm male. I'm pretty sure after a feel up, Chad's male

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
i meant male male

X1:
We're not all that completely defensive

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
out of touch with emotions fully male

X1:
Male male is just an excuse for something.

Chad:
Alex.

X1:
Chaddums?

Chad:
Shh.

X1:
Apologies.
I don't do emotions too well, its why I left sales.Facts are facts to me, emotions are based around them and warp them.

Chad:
This coming from the guy that wanted to sleep inbetween Jayne and Moni the other night >_>

X1:
but who *did* have his head on Jayne's buttocks and Lynette's leg over him. But this is hardly the time or the place..
Moni, I'm honestly sorry that it came to that, but if he couldn't deal with a situation like an adult then it was bound to happen at some point.
Whether it means anything or not, we're all still here, and think absolutely no less of you.

Jayne-kun:
he just threatened to damage my car... published on the internet

X1:
Save the conversation if you can

Chad:
Now.. are we talking a scratch.. or to ram it..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Such caring friends I have aren't they? I bring them into this conversation to try and sort it out, and they just either completely ignore me, going on talking about their own shit [Chad and Alex], or start talking about their own problem instead of trying to work on this one [Jayne].

Right now I am talking to Jayne about it, and we're getting a lot out there that I've held hidden for a very long time. It's good to finally get this all out there, although she's doing her avoidance technique again. I'm refusing to let her though. I'll keep her on topic cause this is something that needs to be sorted out, one way or another.

As for Chad & Alex, I'll deal with them when they get home.
I'm really feeling rather empowered, considering how dizzy I am...
I don't want to lose Paul forever, we're still talking, so I hope that we can sort all of this out.
<3