Death on a spatula being spoon fed intravenously;

Well, last night was possibly the most interesting/worst night I've had in a very long time...

Shall I list the events?

1) Paul commented on Jayne's blog, and ended up being ganged up on.
2) everyone started getting up me for what he wrote.
3) it got very ugly.
4) I exploded at all of them, going on a massive rant.
5) Paul broke up with me.
6) I stayed up until 3am crying and refusing to talk to any of them except for Paul and Chad.

So there it is in a nutshell. It's a chain of events that has been coming for a very long time. But...I wasn't expecting #5. It hurt so much when he said it. I've had a 7 hour sleep and the first thing that happened when I woke up was think about it and start crying again. I get the feeling that this is going to be a very sad weekend...but I should start at the beginning...

Jayne posted a blog about her past week, which involved the events of Tuesday. Now in that blog, she both didn't even bother to mention that she had ruined our day - her circumstances aside, read it in my other blog - and also there was no apology. Now, she had apologised to me previously, but it was over Facebook so I'm not too sure I should be counting it. However, she's refusing to apologise to Paul, who is just as affected - again, read my other blog - by what happened that day. Which is something I don't consider unreasonable, I mean if you're going to apologise to one party for a ruined day surely it's even just courtesy to apologise to the other...

But anyway, Paul saw that she hadn't even bothered to apologise to him in that blog or at all, so he went nuts. He picked her up on the fact that she left out the part of ruining our special day together, and how she was oblivious to other people's feelings and how she should think of how she treats others etc etc. For the full fight go to http://www.darkslinky.com/ (it's in the comments for the blog "The ice-cream fiend should have stayed in bed") - I'm only picking parts out of it that are needed to explain last night.

But I digress. Now Jayne's reply with an obviously -thinks of the word- ach I cant think of it, either way she didn't mean it, "sorry". And then started going on about how things don't always turn out the way that they're planned etc etc. Basically the rest is just in retaliation to each other.

Now before this really happened Chad and Paul had a long conversation about why he and Jayne were so antagonistic to each other, which came about because of the first comments on the blog (Chad's an authoriser(? I can't think of the word for that either) on her website, he can control the run of comments that are posted on there). So I added Paul into a conversation with Chad and let him explain himself. Mistake number one. I mean sure Chad tried his best to understand his point..but...I dunno, I can't help but feel that he just didn't get it at all...

Anyway, later on when things were starting to get really antagonistic over the blog and Alex was going off at me for what he said, so in my frustration I added Paul into the conversation with him and told him to talk to Paul about it. Mistake number two. So Paul started talking to Alex, and they tried to get me into the conversation to help explain his side. I was officially so over all the fighting that I refused and told them "Don't you dare drag me into this conversation, I want no part of this". Mistake number three.

I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, letting him explain himself and not having me jumping in there and getting facts wrong and ending up just doing more damage...but soon after I say that in the Alex/Paul convo I get another message...from Paul...
"Me + convo = annoyed at you"...
For two reasons. First cause I didn't warn him that I was adding him into a conversation with Alex, and the second cause what I said in that conversation appeared to him as me refusing to defend him and me choosing Jayne over him. Now I don't want to make a decision at all, but I guess that life doesn't always work out the way that they planned.

After that the conversation between Paul and I just went downhill...
[with improved grammar, here's snippets of how the conversation degraded:]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul:
no offence, i seriously feel like breaking up with you
so you can be sad and un-happy with jayne, ur wifie
u seriously will choose her over me in the end
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul:
hun, i know u.
but honestly u told me in the way u say things,u care about jayne more then me
why? by shoving in my face that she is ur wifie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul:
hunie, u have been stabbing me with a knife and that thin just then made it worse
Who the fuck do you think u are?
letting some randomi was helping u with stab me with a knife
when he doesn't know the full story and then not evening defending me when u know the story and u were a 3rd party
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul:
yeah, well, he wouldn't listen
so know it's him and alex (jayne is the him) againest me.
how do you think i feel?
i feel fucked, thanks a fucking lot.
i love u

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
but...

Paul:
but half as much as i did
that hurt me 2 say it, but it's true
hunie, no offence, but until it's sorted
i'm going 2 have 2 break up with u
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And there it was. We broke up, and I spent the rest of the night crying...oh and during this entire conversation that lead to this, I've been going ape shit at Alex, Jayne and Chad. I also added Paul into it in case he had anything to add..

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
THATS IT. ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN.
alex

X1:
Roger that

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
he tried explaining to you, you say you kept going off the facts. facts arent emotion and emotion hurts more

Chad:
This will be interesting.

X1:
('lo Chad )

Chad:
Shh. She's typing.

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
jayne. both of you grow the fuck up. you've both hurt each other in the past, you're as bad as each other, and i am so effing sick of you two acting like 4 year olds! eloquent 4 year olds but 4 year olds nonetheless

Jayne-kun:
"shove it up your raped ass hole"

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
i
said
shut
the
fuck

Jayne-kun:
= unforgiveable.

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
up

Chad:
You know your status is set to away.. but you're not away..

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
chad, no real quarrell with you. completely irrelevant that point. you've been playing both sides of the fence and while you did give paul an honest shot at explaining his sideyou're still not getting it

Chad:
Go on..

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
i am extremely torn between my boyfriend and my best friend here, who've been at war from the beginning of some fucking retarded thing on a website. you each have your own opinions over what happened, but can you not agree to disagree here?! like for fucks sake! i am shaking im so fucking pissed at all of you. yes i swear when i get pissed. deal.
what chad?

Chad:
I said, how am I not getting it?

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
prove to me that you ARE getting it and i'll take back my comment.

Chad:
He explained that he's cut due to all this, especially tuesday, however he proceeds to talk like a 5 year old with his comments.

X1:
(I'll wait for my turn, use the tele-prompter or do a barrell roll and I'll jump in.)

Chad:
Alex did you get my private message?

X1:
I did Ssh, not the time (<3)

Chad:
okay >_>

X1:
Look, seriously though.I've come into this, I'm the newbie.
I have no idea whats gone on the past. Just the present, and whats been laid out in front of me. when I tried to probe into the past with the conversation with Paul just before, when contradictions arose he raged and went nutso.

Paul:
UR ALL JUST A BUNCH OF KUNTS....THANKS ALOT.....WE BROKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paul has left the conversation.

Chad:
Oh wow.That's not good.

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
thanks guys. problem solved.

X1:
What I'm currently seeing at this point are aggressive posts by both Paul AND Jayne, but the violence is coming from Paul.

X1:
This sucks.

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
of course it is, he's male, its all he knows how to defend himselfso i hope you're all happy.

X1:
Moni, I'm male. I'm pretty sure after a feel up, Chad's male

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
i meant male male

X1:
We're not all that completely defensive

ღ мσиι - just wants it all to stop ღ ♫Broken like an angel♫:
out of touch with emotions fully male

X1:
Male male is just an excuse for something.

Chad:
Alex.

X1:
Chaddums?

Chad:
Shh.

X1:
Apologies.
I don't do emotions too well, its why I left sales.Facts are facts to me, emotions are based around them and warp them.

Chad:
This coming from the guy that wanted to sleep inbetween Jayne and Moni the other night >_>

X1:
but who *did* have his head on Jayne's buttocks and Lynette's leg over him. But this is hardly the time or the place..
Moni, I'm honestly sorry that it came to that, but if he couldn't deal with a situation like an adult then it was bound to happen at some point.
Whether it means anything or not, we're all still here, and think absolutely no less of you.

Jayne-kun:
he just threatened to damage my car... published on the internet

X1:
Save the conversation if you can

Chad:
Now.. are we talking a scratch.. or to ram it..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Such caring friends I have aren't they? I bring them into this conversation to try and sort it out, and they just either completely ignore me, going on talking about their own shit [Chad and Alex], or start talking about their own problem instead of trying to work on this one [Jayne].

Right now I am talking to Jayne about it, and we're getting a lot out there that I've held hidden for a very long time. It's good to finally get this all out there, although she's doing her avoidance technique again. I'm refusing to let her though. I'll keep her on topic cause this is something that needs to be sorted out, one way or another.

As for Chad & Alex, I'll deal with them when they get home.
I'm really feeling rather empowered, considering how dizzy I am...
I don't want to lose Paul forever, we're still talking, so I hope that we can sort all of this out.
<3

Dizzy sim killing extreme surprising cheese and wine;

Mew~
I'm sooooo dizzy. Had a crazy few days since Tuesday, nothing really epic though..
Well...except that I have A MIDDLE EAR INFECTION!
Deeeeeeath on a stick force fed with a spatula. Speaking of which I'm rather hungry...
I'm on Stemzine though, it's basically the generic brand of Stematil, which I had prescribed to help with my constant dizziness, which is a result of my equilibrium being all out of whack xD



Omg, Alex and I came up with the best idea tonight. Who's up for a cheese & wine party?? =D I wanted to make it a wine, cheese and spa party, you know, make it really fancy, but then I remembered that to my knowledge none of us actually own a spa haha. But yeah, so I'll talk to Jayne about it when she gets back from the movies xD We're both cheese fiends so I hope she'll love it xD



I had to work today...can you imagine how fun that was? -sarcasm- All I did realistically was sit either on the teller chair in front of the desk, at the enquiries desk leaning against the wall to keep from getting dizzy, or on the floor out the back to escape the dangerously teetering (or was that my dizzy brain?) teller chair. I served a few customers, oh my goodness even counting the money made me so dizzy...so basically after a few attempts at working around the dizziness I just gave up and did the enquiries until I got too dizzy for that then I went out back to very slowly count cash haha (if I counted it too fast my head would spin). So that was my fun day at work.



Oh my goodness, yesterday afternoon I had a nap from roughly 12:30pm - 4pm. It was the best nap ever and of course induced by my pills that have the side effect of making me drowsy. But yeah, I woke up to my phone ringing, but by the time I woke myself up and picked up my phone I'd missed the call. I waited for the person to ring back (turns out that was the fourth time that they had rung), but that took ages so I replied to the message that I had from Paul. About 2 minutes after the same number rang again. So I answered it, and the Indian-accenty voice rang clear:
"Hello, I am Swarmi from Optus, I was wondering if you would like to purchase a mobile phone." So I say no and hang up. Now shortly after that and on my way to the bathroom the same number rings me again. Turns out that it was actually Paul xD Ringing me from his nana's house, just relaxing after mowing her lawn for her. So we talk for a few minutes and hang up, then I go to watch Las Vegas for an hour or so.

Next thing I know my phone is ringing again, and it's Paul's mobile this time.
Me: "Hello?"
Paul: "Hi honey! Guess what!"
Me: "What?"
Paul: -knocks 3 times on the door-
Me: -goes to answer it-

Yes, my gorgeous boyfriend had surprised me by coming over and looking after me =] He's so adorable. A couple of hours later he went and bought us dinner, and ended up staying the night.

I ended up not getting to sleep until about 2:30am for the pure fact that I just couldn't sleep. It was weird. I tried really hard to but just couldn't.

But anyway. I already told you about my working adventure so... I'm thinking I should go to bed soon =]

<3

Chicago krump wine and total misery;

The past 5 days have been the largest conflict of emotions ever. The weekend was a barrel of laughs and good times, but the past two days have been bubbling over with happiness, stress, sadness and selfishness. It's enough to make a girl go mental..

Friday:

I went to college, up at 6am blah blah the usual. I got home at about 1pm from that, went home and prepped to go over to my friend Jayne's place, cause she was feeling a bit sad, and we wanted to have a girly weekend. So like I said I would I text Jayne and see if she's ready for me to come over and she tells me that Evan is there - Evan is Alex's brother, a mutual friend of ours - and that they're going to have a little chat so would I mind waiting? I told her I didn't and that she should just message me in some way when she's ready, as I settled back to watch Las Vegas while I waited.

She texted me about half an hour later posing the idea of a little shopping trip - Evan coming with us of course - just to kill a little bit of time and to get a few essentials for the night ahead (tissues, wine, the basics xD). So I went over there immediately - already being packed and waiting as I was - and we just sat at her house talking for a bit, then all three of us headed out to Strathpine shops and just made our way around for a bit. Evan offered to pay for us to see a movie, but we declined in the way to go to North Lakes Dan Murphy's to pick up some wine. We also went to Big W to get tissues and the like.

So after that we headed back to Jayne's, with the wine, tissues, fudge and chips that we'd bought xD And by this time, the time we get back, it's about dinner time, so we ponder what we should have for a while, and eventually we decided that we had enough junk food to act as our dinner. Evan left shortly after that.

After Evan left Jayne and I debated to try and kidnap Lynnette, which we did end up doing. Then we watched what is possibly the most random movie I have ever seen. It's called The Onion Show or something like that. It was funny as hell though. And all the while the three of us are drinking wine and eating fudge xD

So after the movie we just decided (I don't recall how the decision came about) to put some music on and dance. Now we did this for a great many hours, and all I really remember that in the process we:
~ broke a glass onto Jayne's carpet rug, rolled up the rug and put it outside.
~ invited Alex over, who ended up staying the night and brought chocolate vodka.
~ tried to teach Alex to dance, quite unsuccessfully.
~ tried krumping, as shown to us by Chad on webcam before xD
~ had a huge bundle of fun.

We had so much fun that night, I'm not even quite sure how it ended up being that Alex came over xD I do remember Jayne calling him a cheeseburger at one point xD We finished it off by all laying on the floor on the mattresses, Jayne and I laying together, and Alex laying comfortably laying over Lynnette's leg with his head resting on her arse and watching Chicago. Gosh that was a good movie. And oh my goodness it was hilarious. Lynnette fell asleep during the movie, and when Alex shuffled to get more comfortable she put her other leg across him. Of course he didn't complain but oh we laughed for a long time. So after that Jayne went to bed and Lynnette had moved to the couch, so Alex and I fell asleep on the floor after talking for a while and an incident where my poking his leg with my toe, almost went a bit too far up the leg xD Ahhh fun drunken times.

Saturday:

Lynnette had work at 12pm, and Alex had to leave at around 11/12ish to go get ready for work also, so Alex set his phone alarm for 10am. We ended up waking each other up (Alex, Lynnette and I) when Lynnette's phone rang at about 8:30. Apparently - and completely contrary to what we thought - Lynnette started work that day at 8:30, not 12. So she quickly rang her workplace to confirm, and it was true so she ran home (she lives about 5 minutes away from Jayne) to get to work in a hurry.

After that, Alex and I tried to get back to sleep for another hour or so, but that didn't really work too well so we just lay around talking, being comfortable, playing with Marsypan (Jayne's dog) and poking. Alex then eventually rang his brother to come pick him up (Alex doesn't have his licence) so that he could get ready for work. His brother took about half an hour to arrive, so until then we just talked. Eventually (half an hour later by estimate) Evan arrived and took Alex away, so it was just me and Marsypan.

I just lay there playing with the dog for a while, waiting for Jayne to wake up, but instead I just ended up putting on Scrubs season 7 (which I had bought the day before when we went shopping with Evan) and just watching that until she woke up.

When she finally did, we just lazed around watching it and she had a little nap and stuff before we both officially got up xD We went and made a sandwich, watched the rest of Scrubs season 7, Jayne did stuff on her comp for a while - MSN and the like - while I helped by packing up the mattresses and cleaining up the food packets and empty bottles etc for her before I left to go to Paul's. I offered to help with the carpet I broke (yes it was my fault) on, but she said just to leave it, so I had a shower and left.

Now Paul was at Bribie Island visiting family Friday night/most of Saturday, so when I pulled up (I had my window down) he came running out and literally tried to climb in through my window xD It was so cute I missed him so much. I was so happy to see him xD Now all through this I was extremely hungover and feeling sleepy (we actually didn't go to bed until about 5am that morning, so waking up at 8:30 was a bit harsh), so we just hung out in his room watching things until I was finally so sleepy I wanted a nap.

Now this was at roughly 6/6:30pm. I think the first time I woke up it was 10pm, but by this time Paul was curled up behind me so I just rolled over, and fell back asleep cuddling him. Next time I woke up it was 4:30am-ish. By that time I'd slept for 10 hours or so and couldn't sleep anymore, neither of us could, so we just got up and stayed up xD

Sunday:

We just talked and watched things on TV and cuddled until about 7ish, when we went and cooked breakfast - which was really the dinner we had prepped for the night before but didnt eat cause we slept - and then we had a mini nap while cuddling.

Now we actually made an effort to get up at 11/11:30 cause it was the day that he was meeting my parents. Meaning both of us were having lunch with them. Lasagne was the plan, and we just sat around talking to them for a while before retreating to my room and watching movies.

My parent's liked him, which I was happy about. He lent my brother (and my mother by default but he didn't know this) Gears of War on 360 and now they're addicted, so he's won my mum over, and Dad seemed to like him so all is well.

Monday:

I worked. That's about all I did with my day. But that night - after massaging the client I had - I went back over to Paul's to stay the night cause we had a day of fun planned to make up for us not doing anything last week on our actual anniversary =]

But that night something happened, I'm kind of unable to explain it properly. As far as I can clearly remember, Evan (Alex's brother) had just randomly driven off (and fast) from their house, saying "I fucked it up". His destination? Jayne's house. Now that set Alex right off. Because apparently he has reasons not to trust Evan - but nothing too bad or anything womanising, I asked - and so the fact that he had just gone off to Jayne's worried him. It worried Chad (another mutual friend) too. I was just talking to Jayne but somehow I became mediator for their worries for I was the only one Jayne was replying to.

So anyway, I was actually up until about 1:30am trying to help them piece together what was going on and reassuring them that nothing was wrong, they were just talking, cause the next day was the 22nd, her anniversary with her now ex, so she needed company and Evan needed someone to talk to after what happened (which we found out in the end was a fight with his best mate). But anyway. I finally went to bed satisfied that she was alright and after convincing two worried males of that point.

Tuesday:

Today. Meant to be Paul and I's special day out turned to nightmare. We woke up on time, we worked out what we were going to do, we went out, all was going well. We were having fun. We went to EB Games, got Paul's special edition pack of Halo 3:ODST which came out today, and he needed a new hard drive for his computer which we went to Brendale to get before we went to Morayfield Shopping Centre.

So like I said, we got his copy of ODST, and were on our way for me to do my bit of girly shopping (I needed new bras what can I say?), he had stopped at Allphones to get credit and stuff, I had checked out Game on my way past, and we had caught up again at Bras N Things. He managed to last a whole 10 minutes, I was so proud xD Then I carried on shopping on my own (in that store, it makes him nervous, it was so cute xD).

But anyway, I'm in the store, in the middle of trying one on when a distressed Alex calls me. Now normally Alex and I resort to phone calls only if the amount to be communicated is too much. So he rings, and I answer, and he's angsty again because once again Evan is over at Jayne's house, and Alex is feeling more and more like Jayne is replacing him with his brother, because Evan has the resources to be there (meaning he can drive) if he's needed, and I can understand that. When I asked Jayne about it, she said that "he makes me happy" and that "he's being silly".

Now Alex wasn't being silly, it was how he reacted to the situation and in my opinion that is never silly, it's human. I managed to close off my part as messenger between the two of them and get them to talk about it (and that took the entire day out and a bit of conversation on MSN to do in the end -sigh-). But in the process I effectively neglected Paul on our special day out =[ And apparently there was a special dinner surprise as part of it, so I told Jayne (who I had rescheduled my massage to go and check up on) that I felt terrible for neglecting him, cause this day was special to us and yet I'd spent all day effectively trying to help sort out her crap with Alex for her, so I'd be staying at his place and having dinner with him.

Well, she didn't take that well. I didn't realise that it would hurt her so much that I would want to spend time with my boyfriend considering how I didn't really on the day out that we'd arranged, instead spending most of my time helping her out...-sigh- but I stuck to it, I never did go over there. It didn't make me feel the best doing that to her, but I had to make it up to Paul. Especially since working out all her stuff (or trying to) ruined our happy day out...

So we had our lovely dinner and watched some CSI. It's getting really interesting. It bored me at first.

Anyway. Bed time I think.
Geez this post is massive.

What Every Woman Should Have;

My grandmother bought me this book for my 19th birthday, and it is just so true.
So I'm going to share it. In case I ever lose it (God forbid), I will always have a record of it.

What Every Woman Should Have ~ Herter Studio;

Every woman should have:

One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to,

and one who reminds you of how far you've come.

Enough money within your control to move out and rent a place on your own,

even if you never want to...or need to.

Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you're not ashamed to be seen carrying.

A youth you're content to move beyond.

A past juicy enough that you are looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

The realization that you are going to have an old age,

and some money set aside to help fund it.

A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, a black lace bra.

One friend who always makes you laugh,

and one who lets you cry.

A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

8 matching plates, wine glasses with stems,

and a recipe for a meal that will make your guests feel honoured.

A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.

A feeling of control over your destiny.

A skin care regime, an excersie routine, and a plan...

for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better.

A solid start on:

~ A satisfying career

~A satisfying relationship

and all those other facets of life that do get better.

Every woman should know:

How to fall in love without losing yourself.

How you feel about having kids.

How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend,

without ruining the friendship.

When to try harder, and when to walk away.

How to kiss a man in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn't like to happen next.

How to ask for what you want in a way that makes it most likely you'll get it.

How to have a good time at a party you'd never choose to attend.

That you can't change the width of your hips, the length of your calves, or the nature of your parents.

That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over.

What you would and wouldn't do for love or money.

How to live alone, even if you don't like it.

Who you can trust, who you can't, and why you shouldn't take it personally.

Where to go - be it your best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn hidden in the woods - when your soul needs soothing.

What you can and can't accomplish in: a day, a month, a year.

Why they say life begins,

right now.

Insane friends and horrible mornings;

Ugh. I have had the worst morning. Although considering it, the day ended up fairly well.



So at roughly...10:00/10:30am, my friend, her mum and the tag-a-long she's obtained come into my workplace. I work with my mother, so after I do the transaction that she wanted, the mother requests to speak with my mother.



Now immediately I have a rough idea of what this is about. For you see last night I was at my boyfriend's place and received a text message from my friend highlighting the lack of return of a DVD. Now a few minutes later I also received a message saying she found it. But we still replied to her first one apologising for not responding sooner as we were "having couple times under the covers" which to us means cuddling under the blanket. But to them obviously means more then that. -sigh-



Anyway, so my friend, the tag-a-long and her mum go into the spare office to talk, and I'm outside for about 2 minutes until mum calls me in too. She puts me on the spot immediately by quickly paraphrasing what they were talking about, and then asking me to explain Paul's side. Now, when I get put on the spot I freeze. And that's exactly what happened. My mind hit pause, I couldn't think, I just couldn't do anything. Then mum went to serve a customer, leaving me alone in there with her mum claiming that they were going to take a court order out against him etc etc.



==discontinued until the morning; it's 2am==

==recontinued at 12:05pm next day==

I needed sleep. I was so tired xD

Anyway where was I? Oh yes. The court order claims and how I froze.

Well, in my panic I offered to ring my boyfriend and let him explain his side of the story. So I did, trying to get to his mobile first, but that just went straight to message bank so I rang his home phone number. His mum answered the phone so I asked to speak to him. The poor bugger was actually still asleep when I rang to talk to him about this. So he said herro and I said herro then mum took the phone off me and started talking to him about how she had an upset mother of my friend here and what was going on. She talked to him about that for a little while, then after saying that the two of them (my friend and my boyfriend) don't have to like each other, but they should act like the grown ups they are and just leave each other alone.

So after that mum hung up the phone and started talking again to my friend, the tag-a-long and her mum. Basically the conversation (although it was more like a monologue cause just mum was talking) went something like this:

"Okay, I've just talked to him and I know that there is a history between these two here, but if they can both just agree to leave each other alone, they don't have to like each other and I do understand that considering their past I doubt that they will. But, if they can both be grown ups and let this go, and just leave it alone, then we'll move on. Now I've told him that if he does do it again I won't be able to stop you calling the cops, by all means do, but I can see that there is instigation on both sides."

Now, you should have seen my friends face when mum said that she knew that there was history between the two of them (and there has been). Now up to this point her face was like "yessss Paul's getting into trouble". It immediately changed to "oh fuck please dont say anything more". So this lead both my mother and I to believe that her mother actually didnt know the entire story. Which is fine, if my friend decides to only tell her mum the half story, unlike my mother who I tell the whole story to, it's her choice.

The other thing that was great was how my friend's mother was going off over the notion of me having sex (implied by the message we meant cuddles by), and then she turns around and claims to know of a certain set of risque pictures that my friend sent my now boyfriend before I even met him. For you see she actually did want to get with him at one point. But I digress. I laugh at how her mother dared to be so high and mighty about me when her daughter is just as bad. Honestly it is just so laughable.

Anyway, after mum had her monologue I had to go out to serve customers so I don't know what else was said, but I didn't really want to go back in there. But of course mum called me back in to go say bye. I had to hug them. A task which at the time was a chore to me cause I couldn't believe they had the audacity to come into my work place and shoot us up with this crap.

But anyway, it's all sorted now, I just needed to vent a little. Get it off my chest. Again. I've already talked to two people about this including my boyfriend, but I've decided I'd love a record of this in case it flares up in future. And I am honestly expecting it to. I have told Paul though that if he does receive any more messages/emails/facebook messages that are nasty in any way, to pass them onto me and I will go deal with it. He's promised me he'll leave it up to me. This could be a big responsibility. Let's see how I go with it if anything should happen shall we?

The letter;

Baby,

I love you so much. You're my world. Our weekends together make me so happy, and I miss you so much during the week it hurts.

I love how you make me smile at your stupid jokes, how you always speak your mind, although when it's in relation to me it makes me sulk 'cause the way you say it (whatever it may be) makes me feel insecure and like I'm really not good enough for you. It makes me sad when I feel like that 'cause I want you to have nothing but the best girlfriend.

Of course you say sorry and reassure me, and make me feel loved with your claims that you don't want perfection and you love my size etc, but I can't help but think that you deserve so much better than me.

Especially with the way I've been lately, I've been so cranky and sad, and I only really smile when I'm with you anymore. I don't know what it is, whether I'm just so over-tired or there's something deeper that I've hidden within my psyche that is coming back to bite me.

I really do need to work on my opening up, which I am trying to do, but it's so hard. For example i actually try to tell you things, but you cut me off, like the time we went to Bay Chicken, you just cut me off completely, so you tell me to open up and then you just stop me, That really hurts when you do that, especially considering how hard it actually is for me to open up. And of course you're so talkative that you are impossible to interrupt.

Like with my current "situation". I thought to tell you, but how was I supposed to even bring that sort of stuff up?!

Yesterday when you told me that you flirted with Katie, remember how I went silent and stopped answering you? I was jealous. I couldn't help it, I was. And it hurt me when you said that cause I am petrified of screwing up and losing you. Yep. At the moment that's the thing I fear the most.

Anyway, I just wanted to write down a few of my feelings before I explode. For some reason I just can't express this to you in words.

I love you~

Eternally,
M.

Is worrying useless?

So. Right now I am in the middle of what is possibly my worst worry-fest ever.

It started on the 23rd of August. It is now the 2nd of September. It has now been over a week, and yet I'm still bleeding. Googling this thing has not given me much hope for a positive prognosis when I'm finally able to go to the doctor.

Oh yeah! I can't go to the doctor. Cause I have to work 6 days a week for the full 8 hours on weekdays and 3 hours on a Saturday. Why? Cause my family is away in New Zealand. For two weeks. They're due back on the 6th. Lets hope I don't manage to bleed out in this time shall we?

So naturally I'm powering on between the stresses of work, and the things that have been happening between one of my friends, her boyfriend and my boyfriend. The friend story is one for another time, I'm too busy worrying about this to give a rats arse about that right now.

So anyway, here's the lovely discussion between my friend and I (different friend, not the one that I'm having issues with):


Tomi ★ Lovely : synthetic.:
whats wrooong
ღ мσиι ღ ♫Tear myself up, start again with a brand new name..♫:
i worried cause i dont think its natural to not have one's period for two months and then bleed for almost two weeks
and i cant go to the doctor cause they run the same as bank hours and i cant get away from work cause my parents are on holiday
so i have to do most everything
Tomi ★ Lovely : synthetic.:
D;X____XNyaa call your mum a bout it?
ღ мσиι ღ ♫Tear myself up, start again with a brand new name..♫:
it's 1am there honey
Tomi ★ Lovely : synthetic.:
._.
ღ мσиι ღ ♫Tear myself up, start again with a brand new name..♫:
she's in new zealand
they're two hours ahead
Tomi ★ Lovely : synthetic.:
well call her later then? X)XX_X*
ღ мσиι ღ ♫Tear myself up, start again with a brand new name..♫:
i dont want to disrupt her holiday
Tomi ★ Lovely : synthetic.:
surely you could get a few hours off to see a doctor?or skip a uni day to see a doctor? D:
ღ мσиι ღ ♫Tear myself up, start again with a brand new name..♫:
i dont have a uni day! i'm at work 6 days a week, all 8 hours and no i cant
cause the other teller is only a trainee and cant do anything credit card or foreign exchange and the relief manager only knows how to do loans
she doesnt even answer the fucking phone when both me and the other girl are busy
Tomi ★ Lovely : synthetic.:
i smell unqualification -_-
ღ мσиι ღ ♫Tear myself up, start again with a brand new name..♫:
oh no, apparently thats normal for people trained for a boq managerial position and its bullshit
Tomi ★ Lovely : synthetic.:
x__X
you wont ruin your mum's holiday by calling <3
ღ мσиι ღ ♫Tear myself up, start again with a brand new name..♫:
she's back on sunday
i'll just have to wait until then
Tomi ★ Lovely : synthetic.:
T___T*cuddle*everything will be okay moni!
ღ мσиι ღ ♫Tear myself up, start again with a brand new name..♫:
oh and to make it worse im getting a cold
Tomi ★ Lovely : synthetic.:
sometimes periods are wierd, right? D;
ღ мσиι ღ ♫Tear myself up, start again with a brand new name..♫:
but they shouldnt be this weird honey
yes its normal for them to miss for a few months
shit i just yelled at paul for no reason
i hate myself when i worry
Tomi ★ Lovely : synthetic.:
just try to calm down a bit Moni ._. <33It'll all be fine!
ღ мσиι ღ ♫Tear myself up, start again with a brand new name..♫:
calm down, now there's the impossible
Tomi ★ Lovely : synthetic.:
._.I sowwy.*cuddle*
ღ мσиι ღ ♫Tear myself up, start again with a brand new name..♫:
i just want my mum tomi
paul's at his house and cant drive so he cant get here
my aunty would be sound asleep

So as you can see it's party central here...
I can't wait for my mum to get back and get a huge mum hug.
And then go to the doctor.
Stupid Google, tells me only bad, horrible things like "go to your GP" and "see your doctor ASAP".
Unfortunately my ASAP isn't for another 5 days.
That's a whole 'nother working week!!

I've gone through a whole half box of tissues.
Isn't that adorable. I haven't cried this much since...well last night but shhhh.
Jesus christ superstar I hope it's just stress, cause if it's not, the first thing I'm going to break down. Paul suggested I have tattooed on my forehead (in case I bleed out and pass out) "if I pass out, call my bf."
Personally I think I should have "if I pass out, call 000, then my aunt, then my bf, and if the above people are uncontactable, then call my mum"
It's a bit lengthy, but it gets teh point across.

I'm so tired. Sunday please come along and hurry to me, for I need you so.
Paul's being amazing, although a bit of a worry wart, but hey, there's cause.

I'm going to try sleep.
Goodnight.